Tuesday, December 14, 2010

It's Hard for Me to Say I'm Sorry

I’m sure we don’t all struggle with this but do you sometimes find it hard to say “I’m sorry”? It’s amazing what sincerely apologizing to one another can do for our relationships.  Sometimes that’s all we want to hear. We hold grudges and hatred towards people that can be reconciled by admitting our wrongs.
I started thinking about this when I watched the movie “Bounty Hunter”.  I’m sure you guys already know but I love watching movies.  This movie wasn’t the best but it had its moments.  In the movie, Jennifer Aniston and Gerald Butler are ex-husband and wife.  They obviously don’t like each other but throughout the movie you immediately sense that they weren’t completely over each other as well.  My favorite scene is when they were having dinner and they started reminiscing about old times.  Then Gerald Butler apologizes to Jennifer Aniston and tells her that he was genuinely sorry for everything.  This catches Jennifer off guard and you can see a sign of disbelief on her face.  All the hatred and resentment just for that moment was gone.  She then tells him how she felt and some of the things she was sorry for as well.  It was a beautiful moment (the only great scene).  It’s sad how we perceive apologizing as being weak when it’s the direct opposite.  I struggled with this throughout my relationships with my friends, family, and Chris until I was shown that it wasn’t.
As I started thinking about this I thought about my parents.  My parents have walked a great journey for our family and for their marriage.  We had our ups and downs but through it all we survived.  One of the things I’m thankful for is my parents will to make it work.  Growing up I knew that my parents weren’t in love and there were times when they thought about splitting up as well but I know a big part of the reason why they stayed together was because of us.   Also, back then divorce wasn’t as common.  My parents has recently went through a lot of healing and after almost 40 years of marriage I feel like they have somewhat found peace within each other.  My dad tells my mom that she’s beautiful and he tells her things I’ve never heard my dad say.  It’s truly a miracle what has happened to my parents.  My dad hasn’t told my mom that he was sorry yet but he did start by writing a letter to my mom which mended a lot of the pains from the past. Did I believe that this would happen 10 years ago?  I had my doubts but few years ago I decided to have faith in God because anything is possible in the presence of God. There still needs to be more healing but it's amazing to see all the changes they went through so far.  The day my dad genuinely say's "i'm sorry" to my mom will be another great day when their relationship will reach another level.  I’m so excited to see what else God has in store for all of us.
I write this in the hopes to share that there is still hope and it’s never too late to tell the person we’ve hurt that we’re sorry even after 40 years. If we sincerely apologize and they’re not ready to accept it, we have to accept that as well and let God do the rest.  The most important thing is that it’s not worth losing someone we love because of less important things.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Relieving my Shame Through Love

Have you guys ever had a secret that you never wanted to tell anyone because it was so shameful? I think most of us dealt with a secret we were or are afraid to share because of what other people might think.
A few weeks ago our Youth Pastor Abe Park shared a story in the bible about a woman who bore a shame that was unaccepted by others and it was so bad that she had to scream out “Unclean! Unclean! ” everywhere she went.  She was considered unclean because she bled continuously for many years.  Back then women were considered ceremonially unclean for seven days during their menstrual cycle but this lady bled continuously so people considered her unclean all the time.  This brought a lot of embarrassment to her and her family.  They tried everything but nothing worked.  Although it was a very dark time for her, she didn’t lose faith.
This woman knew who Jesus was and she had great faith in all that He did.  So, one day she heard that He was going to be in town so went to see him to seek for help.  She saw Jesus walking through the crowds and there were so many people she was barely able to see Him.  As Jesus walked by, she reached out to touch a piece of His cloak hoping that a touch of His glory would heal her in anyway.  Then as soon as she did, she instantly stopped bleeding.  You can listen to the sermon on this link. The sermon is called Faith & Healing.
Then our Pastor shared a personal testimony of something he struggled with for many years.  He had a problem with wetting his bed for a very long time.  His parents were so ashamed of his issue that they didn’t want anyone to know.  He said they tried giving him Chinese medicine, prayed for him, and even restricted him from drinking water after 6pm but nothing worked.  He was so frustrated and embarrassed. Then one day he went to Korea to visit his grandma who is a strong women with great faith and love.  Once again he woke up in the middle of the night because of his accident and he was so scared that his grandma would find out.  So he tried to cover it up but his grandma walked in and found out before he could.  He thought she would get tremendously upset but instead she opened her arms widely and gave him the biggest hug.  She loved on him instead of scolding him.   He said after that night he was cured. It was love that cured him. 
A similar incident happened about a month ago when I told Chris a secret I’ve been holding inside.   I didn’t know how to bring it up because I wasn’t sure how he was going to react. I didn’t want him to get upset or push me away.  Although I was scared to tell him I knew I had too because it was going to get in the way of our marriage. So, I told him and when I did instead of being disappointed he gave me a big smile and told me it was okay.  He was very understanding and helped me to understand why I was thinking such things.  It was his love that over powered the secret that could have hurt our relationship.
Sometimes we just need to listen and let them know that it’s going to be okay.  We can help pray for them and most importantly just love them.
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